Heart of Void

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I have learned the wary, sentry stare
of a child lamb turned prey.
I have severed every accursed tie
to every foe that made me this way.
I have accustomed such a marvelous loss
that spoiled is so small.
I know not what bows of rain may come
or if they may dance at all.

And in golden petals of silver blooms
a mirror made shine of delicate legs
among bees and butterflies, and scent alike,
pollen crossed land on teardrop dregs.
Towering above a soundless night,
above clouds, watchful eyes: curious.
And perhaps, tinted with envy of costly endeavors
mentioned whispered ominous.

And puppet strings bound hands as chains,
held prisoner to sweet harmony,
sung soft by lips flushed pink, and swollen by kiss
and carried messenger by the breeze.
Into dark and cavernous hollowed cove,
strangled breathless by plush, green moss.
Devoid of knowledge or sympathy,
but lest also devoid of loss.

Heart tainted by unaltered love,
and echos the same sweet tune.
Void of all other emotions kind, and barren
of everything but you.

Burying All of the Evidence

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Ill with sharp suspicion.
A conscience guiding my intuition,
with ignorance,
tainted with a poison.
Flooding riverbanks, drowning innocents
setting black fire to the grass
scorching my slipping feet on coal-warm ash.

What have I done?

Thick veils of darkness cast in shadow.
No one will ever know;
but it was me.
A mask, ghost smile, lips pure white
blood stains on child hands
doused in poison to wash away
cold and angry;
spent and frayed.
And remain in poison
until so charred
that my fingerprints
have faded away.

So charred, they’ve burned black.

A knowing moon, a Cheshire moon
a white-tooth smirk spread wide.
He knows but silent on a useless tongue
and mocks me on a Harvest Moon.
Stained crimson with unspoken rue,
a travesty I have spent on you,
but unbetrayed by an accusing moon
whom weeps rain
in memories to you.

And I am sorry.

With shovel in grave, I fall into the earth,
gather myself and continue on as before.
Until eyes of the moon cannot see me,
have no bearing.
But I still feel guilty
as I fill this grave; condemned to
walk below the ground, beneath ash.
Beneath dust and damn, beneath contempt;
I bury you and this evidence.

And shall place no stone above this grave
that I and others may never remember.

Before you ask, no I didn’t kill anyone. And honestly, I haven’t done anything really bad in awhile. This is mostly just a release  of guilty emotions I’ve felt for a long time.

I’m sorry I haven’t been updating lately. I’ve been too busy. I’m going to try to update a little more often, if I can manage it.

Melt the Ice Away

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Upon bare feet tread smooth
ice-cold, soft-blue;
step after step–place each with care
frozen tundra before me, hoping he might be there.
But no one, not a soul, I remain alone.
Too far to try to return safely home.
With eyes cast below, staring into the sea,
a thin layer of ice between the ocean and me.
Days turn to weeks, I drown in the rain
suffering the heart for him that still remains.
Rubbed raw and empty, searching in vain.
Ears caught in illusion as his ghost whispers my name.
Only, he whispers again, a voice in the breeze,
a desperate cry that lingers, haunting me.
Over and over, my eyes lift from the ground;
before me, he smiles, without making a sound.
I run to him fast, far and away
toes slipping on sleet, I am nearly misplaced.
Scars scorch the ice, cracking under my feet.
Faster, I run, that they may not capture me.
Closer, I come, but after me still.
The cracks in the ice have one mind and one will.
But I reach him all the same, wrapped tight in his arms
spun on his heel, the whole world to discard.

But the sun peeks from the clouds, too soon to discover
the cracks become holes, our winter is over.
Around us, shines the sea as the ice melts away
a new dawn free of tundra, beginning this day.
He holds me tighter, moments soon, we will be drowned
with less and less ice to serve as our ground.
Kissed my forehead, promises forever, eternity with me
in Heaven, in Hell, together and strong, or at least we believe.
But when we look down, the ice melted away, our feet find soft earthy land,
an island, so small, that only we fit, alive by the sea, we still stand.

If Only, Though I Love You

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I fought the moment I lost inhibition,
Trapped behind the bars of intuition,
I watched you as you tread on path so broken
and left with nothing there when you were open.
Might be I travelled light, without much burden,
saw you in my path but let you stay hidden.
Forgot that you were there until you left me,
then noticed something wrong when you went missing.

If only as a kid I’d let myself see you,
if only in those days I saw what you’d been through,
there’d be so many less scars and memories to haunt you.
Here I was my love, I didn’t protect you.
If only as a kid, you’d seen my heartache,
if only you could have stopped my senseless heartbreak.
If only we were first, just us at daybreak.
If only we were kids before the hard tolls we must take.

I wish I had seen you before I knew him,
I wish you had seen me before you saw them.
I wish that we were us before we were now and then.
I wish we knew before that we were destined.
If only as children we flew kites above us,
if only as children we knew what love was.
If only as so young we sang the song love
and gave then all we had lain there before us.

But I ask far too much, I’m happy with you.
Would give up everything for this dream come true,
Don’t ever let me wake if I am not beside you
Because a love with you is better than love in youth.

Time Melts Away

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I painted your portrait in my mind,
and tried to spell out
every intricacy.
Fell in love with the thoughts that were tortured
and gave new meaning
to haunting me.
I placed all the memories in pages,
and straightened them out
with a cover,
I tried to write the story of our lives,
but got lost
because it’s still not over.

Time melts away,
I asked you to stay,
you promised to give me
your every last day.
Into the dark,
I’d fall much too far,
but I’d go there gladly
if that’s where you are.

I saw museums of butterflies pinned up,
in windows of glass
held up by spikes.
I watched their wings flutter in fury
as they struggled
to reclaim their lives.
Bound by a sadness and sadism
of a race bent only
on love
For oneself, for the mind, for each other
spent lost only
on cause.

Time melts away,
but you promised you’d stay,
you promised you’d give me
your every last day.
I gave you my heart,
I’d walk into the dark
as long as, my darling,
that remains where you are.

I see the mirrors growing older,
lines of rust staining creases
in my face.
I see shards cracking, and starting to smolder
as we age a little
more every day.
I watch ruins turn into black ashes
and splash my feet
in the things that once were.
I hold tightly to everything you knew
and everything that
you and I are.

Time melts away into the dark,
and I know we’ve not travelled too far,
but I love you with all of my heart,
and I’d follow you, if that’s where you are.

Dear God

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Dear God,

For once in my life I do not speak your name
with intentions ill-willed or a tone set in vain.
I ask only that you listen to the words that I say,
Oh God, my Lord, you saved my life today.
Now most of the time I don’t see you there,
I live life in laughter and I’ve learned not to care
as if your a phantom that means nothing to me,
but in no less than a miracle you’ve made me believe.

I asked you for gifts that I could not return.
I asked moments to stop and the clocks not to turn.
I begged you for the things that I didn’t need
and yet somehow you’ve still forgiven me.
And by the time I was a child I asked you for love,
nagged every wish for what I had dreamt of.
Why wasn’t it coming, why didn’t he care?
I asked you for things but didn’t believe you were there.

And then I met a boy who gave me his heart,
put me together after being torn apart.
Far beyond miles was where he was born,
but here you bad brought him, though tempest and storm.
And better yet, he loved me, could not possibly seem so.
What was this emotion, I had never known.
You brought me love despite distance and time,
My fate found me happy when I found him mine.

Down on my knees I pray for your name,
Vowing never again to take it in vain
and offering you the most heartfelt of thanks
for saving the man who protects me from pain.
You saved my love, you saved my life, I give all that I ever had
in you rests my soul, my life, my faith, and sought glee in the aftermath.
I give little more than all I know to ask that you keep him near,
Because you know as well as I that I can’t live without him here.

Okay, I know I said I was going to use all sonnets this week, but I had to write and post this one. I don’t mean to offend anyone who isn’t christian.

Never Neverland

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I woke up early one night, at near dawn.
Light was just off the shore, of lost causes.
I spent a moment without, so alone.
And gazed into the sky, sought for pauses.
And there above me hovered a boy,
a smirk wide and clear on his blushing cheeks.
He lifted me to the sky, in stories,
and rescued me from the future,  he speaks.
And brings me into a world of forever.
Burns the fires in holes left forgotten.
And torches of what we’d be together.
Flames of whispers of gowns in pure satin.
Never meant to grow up in Neverland,
I’ll spend my life with this boy, Peter Pan.

I’ve decided I really like the form of a sonnet, so in an attempt to condition myself to only use the words I need most, I’m going to start writing in sonnet form. I’ll give myself a week for this, then I’ll go back to freeverse. Time for a little experimentation.