Tag Archives: forgiveness

All That Remains

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Been to a Hell
with fiery depths.
Been to the ocean
and almost
drowned myself.
Fell through the hollow
of a lone peasant’s hall.
Captured by posterity
and lost nearly it all.

Forgot where I’d come from,
lost where I’d been.
Followed the road
I’d been back again.
Looked to the west
when the dawn rose behind me,
waited for a cause
and someone new to guide me.

Broke too many rules,
hurt too many hearts.
Waited too long
and tore too many apart.
Lost sight of the truth,
found someone to blame.
And yet, still somehow
only the scars left remain.

Yesterday marked the end of my house arrest. I was finally able to go out in public and be around people, something I haven’t been able to do in weeks because of my transplant surgery. I never knew staying in the house would be so challenging for me, but after a few days, you start to get stir-crazy. For the last couple of years, I’ve spent the summers home alone, but I was allowed to go out with friends pretty much whenever I wanted. This summer, I wasn’t even allowed to do that.

While in reality this is supposed to symbolize the end of my battle with end-stage renal failure, I suppose it could fit many different situations at any given time. So in that light, it’s not about illness. It’s about any hardship that anyone should have to suffer, large and small. Everything.

 

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I pretend
I do not see you around
in my heart
as it beats.

I surrender
to the thought that you were gone
in my soul
as it sees.

Angels held on high in Heaven,
why might you return?
What have you here
that there you didn’t?
Maybe this is home?

From the sky you fall
with broken wings
no one standing below.
No arms reaching out to catch you,
nobody even knows.

Why might you abandon Heaven,
have you returned for me?
Is this really home to you
and will it always be?

What happened to your halo?
What happened to your smile?
You haven’t been away too long
and yet, you’ve taken vile.

I can see the sadness in your eyes
the lonely in your thoughts.
I see the holy you replaced
with the memories you forgot.

I see the angel wings you flew
falling from your back,
how is it you have returned
and fallen so off-track?

Are you still holy angel?
Or are you man again?
Will you stay this time forever,
as it should have been?

Denounce your wings, your halo
glow in your true light.
I love you more than time could see
and for you I’ll always fight.

But I need you to be angel for me,
I need you to stay.
I thank God that He allowed you to come home,
I thank Him every day.

I think that maybe fate stepped in its hand
delivered you to me.
Gave me what I’ve prayed so long
could forever be.

Angel you fell from the sky,
I meant to catch your fall.
I tried, I tried, with all I had,
but it managed to catch all.

You broke into pieces on the floor,
I cannot take this anymore.
I must give my life for you,
my happiness for all you do.
Broken or not, I’m in love with you,
and I’ll never stop trying to save you.

You are my angel in disguise,
only seen throughout my eyes.
No one knows how much I try
except for you.

You are the wings that saved my fall
when I thought I’d lost it all.
You gave me what I need to fly
even if it made you fall.

You are my angel,
I’m not alone.
I’d wait a thousand years
for you to come home.
You fell between the stars
and I should have known.
I wish I had been there
to bring you home.

You strayed the path you thought
God would make you walk.
You took your own way through,
and I forgot.
I meant to save you,
but I was too lost.
You came and found me
at your own cost.

You made it certain
I’d not be alone.
Renounced your angel
and you came home.

More midnight musings. This time without sleep is really starting to take its toll on me. As this is just another midnight musing, it’s not amazing. I left it mostly unedited because I don’t really like changing what I manage to think up while I’m half-asleep. I feel like it’s cheating myself, and I’m not really sure why.