I must apologize from the bottom of my heart. I have neglected this blog for several months now. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve neglected just about everything but my social life the past couple of months. That doesn’t make it better, I know. But I’m going to start making time for this, I promise.
I must switch domains for the time being. I actually pay for the domain http://www.behindcerulean.com whereas this one is free. I’ll be switching over to that site instead, but beginning New Years, I’ll try my best to resume writing a couple times a week.
For those of you who are still following, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me. Happy Holidays, merry Christmaquanzakah, and I’ll see you after New Years!
If all the world is a stage:
Then I must be a bard.
Whispering sweet echoes
of words that never meant anything,
a fictional story from deceitful lips.
A promised tale of a forbidden kiss,
a song of glass shattered in cold white loss.
The quiet cooled, the coin my cost.
The whole world an audience
with clapping hands
or perhaps with scorn
for they don’t understand.
And scowls profaning cheeks
with soft pink blush,
that make me flush.
Then I must be an actress
with a painted face.
A smile, and tears
that I cannot erase.
A gown of gold, a crown of silver
in my hair,
and audience below me
without a care.
With other thoughts in mind
than who I really am.
Only eyes for the girl
that I must pretend.
And eyes for the man
that I do not love,
but the character I play
is written to must.
Then I must sing
with a sheltered voice.
Tempered too sharp,
feet without poise.
Words that mean less
than they do to me.
Because my audience
is too blind to see.
Heart on heart, I stand,
pouring out my soul;
if all the world’s a stage
then I must have no role.
Those other girls;
they all long to kiss you,
pray to be with you;
they all love to love you.
And I love to love you
but much more than they do
because I simply love you
and I still loved you
even when loving you
broke my heart.
The way we kiss when caught in traffic,
the stolen moments I keep captive;
in memories, in soft-spoken dreams
The heart you hold in open hands,
the moment you start to understand,
I’ve never known a love
quite like for you.
The secrets we hold close between,
my soul for you, your heart for me.
A smile shared in silent-held
The smell of you upon my clothes,
the parts of you that no one knows.
No other woman could
ever feel such bliss.
The moments spent in a little world
made only for us, by only word,
no one left to care.
The moments just after you have gone,
the lingered essence that still lives on.
And I desperately wish
that you could still be there.
Tomorrow, I begin school. Senior year. Celebratory, I suppose.
All the same, that means I am going to have a lot less time to do as I please. I will have homework to finish, and I’m taking a few AP classes so the homework will take longer than I would like. I’m going to finally begin the novel that has been running through my mind for months now, so that’ll take quite a bit of my attention as well and now that I’m finally off transplant house-arrest, I’ll have the chance to rekindle my social life and spend more time with friends.
So that leaves me with very little time to update, so I will be unable to post the two to three poems that I tend to post daily. I’m going to have to cut it down to just one a day, so sorry. I will however try my very hardest to keep at least one post a day.
On one last note, I was also vaguely considering beginning to write a little bit of flash fiction as an experiment. If you would like to see some of that flash fiction appear here on this site (or on another new blog all together), as well as excerpts of my novel, please leave a comment below to that effect.
Thanks so much for your support over the past few weeks! It’s been amazing to see the response to my writing, and I’d like to thank each and every one of you! It means the world to me to hear so many words of encouragement!
She stray along shorelines,
took perch upon stones.
Felt the warmth of the sun
bear down on her soul.
Stole strings of a harp song,
plucked chords of heart and home.
Spent evenings with men
and each morning alone.
Destroyed mentioned love songs,
created bad dreams.
Nightmares and sorrow
that came of the sea.
Drowned in the tears
wept by fish of the bay,
the men fall to blunder
and drifting away.
She captured forbidden
and vows beyond scare.
All but forgiven,
and lost beyond care.
Heartless beyond words
and guiltless beyond loss.
Had given her whole heart
for a treacherous cost.
And so tortured and beaten
by heart and by theft,
and swollen with sorrow
of her love lost bereft.
To compensate for her forgotten,
a wail like the wind,
and lured into darkness,
the legs of many men.
And drowned in the shallow
of waters inches high,
caught by the gaze
of a siren’s blind eye.
Captured by the song
that so entranced them,
and now and forever,
she will thieve them again.
Been standing here for what seems like forever,
yearning for the moment we might be together.
And the time upon us comes as no surprise,
though I wish I’d watched the sun set in your eyes.
Been watching the east for far too many days now,
waiting for the day you’ll pass my way now.
Shall I count the times that I’ve whispered your name now?
No perhaps, that might seem just a tad too much.
The panthers of the night have strayed from homes to join me
prowling on careful paws and eyes trained on the east.
Waiting for the dawn that we have sought for far too long,
and upon morning break, they shall finally leave me.
But until that moment that you take their place,
here beside me, waiting for you, they’ll remain.
The only chance I have for things to feel the same,
because the day you walked into my life, everything changed.