Tag Archives: lost

Cataclysm

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Shards of broken Earth crashing to the ground,
a sky, so ever-falling to children
taken captive by clouds and promptly drowned;
In audacious wisps once long forbidden.
Scorched earth in tatters, in passages bare
trees torn by roots, thrown over in the storm.
Sought matters forgotten, to disrepair.
Manner corrupted by poisonous swarm.
Lost thoughts beyond to a world of lost dreams,
splashed with cold, black fire burning blue and red.
Sought after with eyes enviously green
among hopes that still raised from graves once dead.
Playful puppetmaster always bending;
To a child, the world is always ending.

Wherever You Are

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Behind black brick,
beneath grey stone
caught in steel shackles
behind iron bars;
without sound or echo
void even of rats
in buried dungeons, I’ll find you
wherever you are.

Caught in thorns of brambles,
caged by fallen trees
beneath swollen skies and tempest
captive held by angry breeze;
rain-spattered ground as quicksand
sunk deep in darkened tarn
mirrored eyes in dewdrops
and held by captor, Harm.
Vines entangled around unbalanced ankles
arms spread wide and far,
in fallen forests, I’ll protect you
wherever you are.

On dark ground stolen from innocent
beneath skies palid and grey,
among forgotten sorrow and lost remains
of an only slightly happier day.
Surrounded by flames that lick your blood,
tearing holes into your legs,
charring flesh and burning skin
taking air with desperate dregs.
In seas of ash with tides of dust
on scorched earth fried from life,
the grass so far, in distant lands
under watch of pebblestone eyes.
Through flames and ash and fallen blood
and over bodies black as tar,
in earth as lost as Hell itself, I’ll save you
wherever you are.

In time worn old by moments
that have past and gone,
behind us, before them,
then, and now, and alone;
in a world foreign but familiar
beneath skies younger than I
dark with clouds, and light with the sun
and stars that burn too bright;
and the moon that saw no footprints
and the Everest never scaled
and the apple never fallen
and the humanity never failed;
beneath a Heaven still held holy
above a Hell still held fear
below the grace of what will be
and above the future so held near;
torn to pieces by the deafened silence
of peasants and kings ripped raw
in sancitity of what had never been
but will be by Fate’s law;
in a time less like ours, where I am not
and have not lived so far
far in the past, the future, never still,
I’ll find you, wherever you are.

Lost Innocence

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I had hoped to sanctify your heart,
As a tomb wrought with fallen hopes,
My love.
Fallen hopes, my love.

Down aisles of stone faces
And leak-sprung tears
And spindle-spun gowns
On women of forgotten sorrows,
My love.
Forgotten sorrows, my love.

And pebbles tossed into blackness.
Echoing around you
With whispers of your ghosts,
Cold in your ears
Ice down your spine
Chills up your arms
And gusts of mist wafting
From the breath you release.
And they lie. Those whisperers,
Spiders under flesh,
Flies on the wall
Thieving rumors, evolving to truth
And convincing you.
They lie,
My love.
They lie, my love.

Skittering into your fragile heart,
Fangs poisoning your blood,
Coursing through every vein,
Another bad memory.
Another vulnerability.
Another insecurity.
Every fear you’ve ever had
Brought to light in the void.
It’s poison in your veins,
My love.
It’s poison in your veins, my love.

Only poison. Nothing more.
I long to press my lips to yours,
Draw it out, every last drop.
Take the poison into myself,
Suffer the lies myself,
Suffer the rumors, the fear, the vulnerability.
The guilt.
The guilt you never should have known,
My love.
The guilt you never should have known, my love.

To press my lips to yours and draw it out,
To promise she was wrong.
To fill myself with the tainted blood,
That you might be washed clean.
That you might return to the way you were
Before the evil spider bite
Rendering you ghosted in the tomb
Of your heart among the mistakes
Of your past, and present, and future.
Among the women in spindle-spun gowns,
Before God and judgment,
But before yourself and your punishment.
A face of yourself without mercy.
Have mercy
My love.
Have mercy my love.

That the poison might be permanent,
That the stone has already been thrown,
That the blood already spilled,
That I cannot take everything back,
That you cannot return to the past…

That you might never be naive again, my love.
That you might never be naive again,
My love…

My heart weeps for lost innocence.

You know, I really hate having to go around cleaning up everyone else’s messes. If it’s not one friend hurt, it’s another. I have no problem listening, no problem trying to help out. I am happy to do what I can to help my friends and loved ones. But when it’s one friend against another and they place me in the middle, and I’m stuck. Being me, I tend to stay on the side of whomever got hurt as opposed to whomever got angry. But when I’m forced to sit down and help someone because someone else in my circle of friends hurt him/her, I just get sick. Maybe that’s what I get for having friends so vastly clashing of each other.

Unwitting Illusion

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The trees watched us grow,
and the silence sped near,
the moon passed our hide out
year after year.
The sun went down on sorrows
and anger thrown high,
and rain spent the mornings
watching arguments die.

Tables together, our seats beside each,
alone in the world, or so we’d beseech.
Our friends drew us nearer to what I called home,
but as the dawn broke, you left me alone.

Flown high on the swingsets,
jumped into the air,
challenges, obstacles,
trials of error.
Climbed to the top
and took the castle for me,
until my flag was torn
into a dozen pieces.

You took dominance,
demanded I obey,
friends forever, you said,
and then walked away.

The wood and the bark
of the trees in our home,
spent night after night
mournfully alone.
I didn’t return.
Didn’t think it would help,
you left me still standing,
but with little else.

The winds whispered rumors
spread wide through the wood.
Lost faces in tatters
of where we once stood.

A ghost girl with a sigh, a tear in her eye,
watching you walk away
and fissure the night.

And day rose again, and the rumors were true,
it seemed the ghost girl had truly lost you.
But she’s still stand strong, no more tears, no more lies.
If you don’t remember, then neither will I.

A Blind and Silent Search

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He holds me in his arms, whispering platitudes of love
with the heartfelt, open denial of the world we’re dreaming of.
He holds my hands up to his face, and places on each a kiss,
tells me I’ll never be alone, in times so hard as this.

“Let’s play a game,” he suggests to me, with a smile on his lips.
“Hide and seek,” he says to me, with a certain noted bliss.
I fear, somehow. I doubt in him, though I feel I have betrayed;
the loose ends I keep tying up, are perpetually frayed.

“Close your eyes,” he requests, turning me around.
I feel his arms slip away from me, he leaves without a sound.
I close my eyes and count to ten, and twenty, and fifty-five,
and to a hundred, and larger still, and then open my eyes.

And yet, that darkness haunts me, as if my eyes were stitched up,
blackened void, and abyss before me, because my eyes stay shut.
I try to pull my lids apart, to see the scene I know is there,
to no avail, I soon discover, because somehow, I still have failed.

I open my mouth, I try to scream, but a whimper only comes out,
I say his name in whispered thoughts, I try desperately to shout.
I cry tears that can leave me, taunting as they fall
because they escape the darkness that plagues my world in awe.

I shout again, this time I’m heard, by my own ears only, it seems.
No one else comes to my rescue. No one else hears my screams.
I call his name, “It’s not a joke, I am stricken blind!”
“Save me!” I beg. “Come save me!” But I fear I’m left behind.

I stumble through the bushes, feel thorns scrape up my thighs
I catch my hands on roses, blackened as if they’d died.
And the stem, and the bush, and the trees, and the sky,
all void, all gone, disappeared to my eyes.

I call his name again, in vain. Begging to be found.
He doesn’t come to save me, I fall to the ground.
Gravel digs into my knees, I feel the warmth of blood,
I wonder if this is my end, if I shall lose in love.

I shake, I shiver, I hold myself, nothing compared to his arms.
I realize that this game we play was gambling in cards.
I threw a coin into the air, when I let him walk away.
There never was a guarantee he’d remain, a guarantee that he would stay…

This is based off of a nightmare I had a while back. Quite often I find myself blind in my dreams. I always seem to know what’s going on around me, but I cannot witness it, and I can’t do anything to change it. Honestly, I think I have these nightmares because one of my greatest fears is losing control over a situation, topped only by the fear that the people I love will leave me. I would say about once a week at least I have a dream where I cannot see anything. Slightly less often, I have nightmares of full-body paralysis, which I guess it more frightening to me because I am forced to watch what is happening, but do nothing.

This nightmare however was probably the worst I’ve ever had. It put together my two greatest fears and forced me to face them both at once. I know, you’re supposed to face your fears in order to overcome them, but this did NOT help me overcome EITHER. I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, and because I sleep in as dark of an environment as possible, I thought I really was blind. After turning on a light and realizing that I was okay, I had to text the guy it was about around three in the morning just to make sure that he was okay. It was exhausting and petrifying.

On the bright side, it made good fodder for poetry. See, when you’re an optimist, there’s ALWAYS a bright side. 🙂